2026 Resolutions
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
It’s cliche, sure. We come up with a list of things we want to accomplish to make our lives and ourselves better in the new year. January 1 is no better day than any other to make these promises to our future selves; it’s also no worse than any other day. So, there’s no harm in coming up with these things. So there you go and here it is. These are my resolutions for the coming year.
1. I will be kinder to people. Also animals. The point is, I plan to befriend a bird and then go on a series of adventures. The bird will have to ride around in my car, though, as I cannot fly.
2. I want to work through any residual childhood traumas and understand why I am afraid of Colonel Sanders, as well as puppets who wear Colonel Sanders costumes. You might think that is a rare issue, but you would be mistaken. I once had a hand puppet lion in a Colonel Sanders suit that often stolen from me by neighborhood ruffians who then used it to thrash me. I may be making a breakthrough here.
3. I will give more of my time to causes that are important to me. And I will give more of my thyme to passing peddlers who wish to sell it at a Renaissance Faire. But I’m keeping my parsley, sage, and rosemary. You never know when you need those herbs, or whatever it is they are.
4. I will lose 50 pounds. In a British sports book on ill advised cricket wagers.
5. I will change my ways and hold Christmas in my heart every day. But only if someone brings me a fatted goose each and every day.
6. I will keep more of an open mind and let people enjoy things they like without judgment. Unless it’s clearly idiotic, and then it’s really on them anyway.
7. I will travel more and see exotic places. Like Narnia, where I hope to try Turkish Delight, which is - no doubt - the greatest of all candies.
8. I will value friendships over materialism. Particularly friends who festoon me with gold and jewels.
9. I will learn to fly, so my bird friend and I don’t have to drive everywhere.
10. I will not limit lists to ten items.
