SNL After Party 10/3/26 - S52 E2 “I Just Did Jazz Hands on National Television!”
Host: Dakota Johnson
Musical Guest: Turnstile
SNL seems dead set on bringing Dakota Johnson back to Studio 8H repeatedly for reasons that seem - at best - murky. She’s been fine in the past, even decent, as a host.
But does she need to be back for a third time ?
Let’s find out in this week’s SNL After Party.
Cold Open
In a somewhat shocking turn of events, the cold open this week is not a reenactment of Missouri Senator Eric Schmitt’s fumble of his gotcha attempt to catch special prosecutor Jack Smith in alleged perjury based on an apparent misunderstanding of the difference between Atlanta and Iowa. I’m guessing no one had a compelling imitation of Schmitt or Smith ready to go.
Instead, we get Andrew Dismukes and Ashley Padilla at the RNC Headquarters making ads for the midterm elections. So they bring in prominent Republicans like Secretary of State Marco Rubio (Marcello Hernandez) makes an appeal to Spanish speaking voters by saying, in Spanish, that Trump tricked them.
Jeremy Culhane shows up as Vice-President JD Vance, and is summarily dissed and disregarded by the commercial producers. Mikey Day appears as Mitch McConnell in a silent (and arguably harsh) imitation of the Kentucky senator.
And, Colin Jost comes in to mock Secretary of War Pete Hegseth, drinking “Bero” (“Spider-Man’s non-alcoholic beer. “) and touting the return of prayer in the military. (“Our soldiers are praying a lot more than they used to.”)
For his commercial, Jost performs some beat poetry, making fun of Hegseth’s speech in which he said ”We are no longer the woke department or the weak department. Simple translation of that: no fatties, no (transexuals), no beardos, no weirdos, no wimps, no radicals, just warriors.”
He wraps up by saying, “In conclusion, vote I guess,” and notes that service members can vote by mail, “which is the only bi-male I’m cool with.”
And then, lo and behold, James Austin Johnson comes out as Trump. In a particularly lackluster outing, Trump notes that America is a hell hole and full of awful people.
It’s not a strong appearance, and the audience doesn’t seem to disagree with that analysis.
This was not a great start for the show.
Monologue
Dakota Johnson’s monologue is almost painful. She talks about her bomb Madame Web and says she is still promoting it as it hasn’t made any money yet. She talks about two breakups with musicians, and says she is actually promoting Verity, which she describes as a psycho-sexual thriller…adding that’s how she’d describe dating musicians.
She also notes her birthday is the next day, and music megastar Taylor Swift (for real…not a cast member) appears to help her celebrate.
Johnson calls Swift her therapist, which Swift denies despite the fact that she says she listens to Johnson vent and occasionally throws in a “Damn, that’s crazy.”
Swift is wasted in this appearance, and the whole monologue is one of the weaker ones I can recall seeing. The audience is, of course, excited by Swift’s appearance, but their near silence otherwise reinforces how the monologue just didn’t fire on all (or maybe any) comedic cylinders.
Press Your Luck
Johnson hosts the game show “Press Your Luck” with an oddly strong Elizabeth Banks impersonation.
Hernandez, Padilla and Kenan Thompson are contestants vying for such prizes as a pottery class with Seth Rogan or a lifetime supply of Advil. Padilla’s character truly hates the “Whammy” character and is over-the-top excitable.
She immediately wins $1 million, but presses her luck and gets a Whammy. She then wins another million bucks, but, yes, presses again and so on. The other contestants and host try to talk her out of pushing again after she wins $5 million dollars, but she is so excitable and declares she really wants the Advil.
To the extent this sketch works at all it is due to Padilla’s full energy character. It’s definitely in her wheelhouse.
Mean Scary Girlfriend
This is a pre-taped commercial pitching a mean, scary girlfriend (Johnson). She will tell you the truth, Dakota is honest and makes decisions, but she’s mean, and she comes included with a dog who hates you.
Comes with dog who hates you.
This sketch played into Johnson’s strengths and she did a good job with it, but let’s be honest this felt like a someone put this together for Aubrey Plaza at some point.
Hospital Gossip
Johnson, Padilla and Sarah Sherman are hospital workers sharing gossip in the cafeteria when their male co-worker (Culhane) pops in to spill the tea on Eric. “I hear Eric from legal is going through a hard time,” he says before his co-workers point out he is Eric, and no one wants to hear gossip from the person it is about.
Kenan Thompson shows up as the flamboyant Jermaine who wants to hear the latest gossip as well.
Meanwhile, Eric keeps dropping more terrible facts about, well, Eric. His wife is now gay; his therapist called him pathetic; and co-worker Megan went to jail….to pick up Eric.
This one really had nowhere to go and somehow didn’t even get there.
Guns For Women
In Johnson’s last two appearances she did commercial parodies for female-centric products like “big dumb cups” and “big dumb hats.” This time they dropped the “big dumb” concept and went with guns for women. If men’s guns are an extension of their manhood, then these pink guns are extensions of womanhood. Whereas most guns are arguably phallic, these are decidedly not. They are called vaguns, after all (and one more name that I can’t bring myself to say).
Anyway, “they are available at whatever the opposite of Dick’s Sporting Goods is.”
This sketch was a real misfire.
Throne of the Dragonborn
In this Game of Thrones universe parody, Johnson is the queen who asks Ser Aleric (Ben Marshall) to stay behind in her bed chambers.
But, just as things are about to get spicy, Ser Aleric complains that he is thrown off by her dragon being in the room and watching them. The dragon is absurdly low budget and ends up being able to talk.
But the dragon is not the only one looking for a show. Thompson is a eunuch who is enjoying snacks as the two are about to do some HBO rated stuff. But just as Ser Aleric makes peace with the situation and attempts to caress the Queen, the dragon gets mad, and ultimately incinerates the knight. Then the sketch just ends in an ending almost as disappointing as the actual Game of Thrones.
Weekend Update
In an oddly loose installment, Che and Jost hit the week’s highlights, including Hegseth’s speech denouncing “beardos, weirdos and fatties.” Which sounds like he’s “banning the entire career of Mike Meyers.”
Che showed a picture of Trump in an odd stance and noted he “now has the exact same posture as Bullwinkle”
They played a video of the President making a speech for national Hispanic month noting that “only a Hispanic could survive” a fall from the ballroom construction site. Jost says this got no reaction from the crowd “because people prefer racism that makes sense.”
Che says that the White House is sending Vance to Texas to help with the midterms, and if that doesn’t work, “they’ll send in a chupacabra (showing a picture of Stephen Miller. This joke fell flat, allowing Che to do his now weekly bit about not caring how the audience reacts.
The best joke of the night may have been, a story in which it is now believed Hitler may have killed his niece, leading Jost to say, “Okay, that’s strike two!”
For the desk guests, they bring on Jason from Grand Theft Auto 6 (Hernandez) and Link (Day) from a remake of The Ocarina of Time, as both games are releasing on the same day.
Hernandez flexes by talking about how violent and cool his game is, while Link shouts, “Who’s ready to go to Hyrule and solve some puzzles!”
Day as Link gets increasingly agitated as Jason touts how great GTA 6 is going to be. When Jason produces a rocket launcher, Link counters with a fairy in a jar, which accidentally gets broken in the hijinks.
This was good stupid fun that both Hernandez and Day sold by going over the top and being ridiculous.
Kam Patterson pops in to talk about a reboot of the television musical series, Glee. He claims he’s a real Greek, and can’t wait. Che browbeats him finally telling him , “You don’t have to say yes to every idea the white writers pitch to you.”
The bit is funny and gives Patterson a chance to show his comedic chops.
A third - THIRD - desk guest is Sarah Sherman as a matchmaker who wants to help Che find a date. This is classic weird Sherman.
First she pitches an age appropriate woman with similar views to Che. Turns out it’s JK Rowling. She then pitches a dead woman, Mrs. Potato Head, and, finally, herself.
It’s good to see Sherman being goofy at the Update desk again.
Get Ready With Me
Sherman, Veronika Slowikowska and Jane Wickline are at a sleepover watching terrible “get ready” YouTube videos by Colorado Vickey (Johnson). She shows make up tips to get ready for court ordered electroshock therapy, before getting involuntarily committed while on a roof and “no blink October, during which she hopes to be handcuffed to Turtle from Entourage.
Interspersed in this is JAJ as the dad who says increasingly odd things before walking out the room in a depressed funk.
Naturally it ends with the dad popping up on a Colorado Vicky livestream. Love, like life, finds a way.
Amazing Tales of Truth
Dismukes is a Rod Serlingesque character introducing a tale that promises to have a twist. In it, Slowikowska sings “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” to her father in a coma, hoping it will revive him.
At the end, Dismukes comes out and practically screams that “That’s not how a coma works,” but they didn’t have video of a guy who supposedly levitated a little.
Mildly funny at best, but Slowikowska’s rendition of the song was actually quite lovely.
The Goodbye Wave
Best Sketch: I don’t know. Maybe Scary, Mean Girlfriend if I have to pick a proper sketch. But Link and Jason at the Update Desk gave me the most laughs because it was just fun.
Worst Sketch: Tough call here. I could go with the guns sketch . . . no, let’s just stick with that one.
Random Notes:
- Turnstile is a punk band from Baltimore. And, I guess I now know that I am not a fan of Baltimore punk. I liked The Wire, though, so that’s something.
- Taylor Swift came back out at the end with a cake for Johnson’s birthday. It was sweet of her, but I felt like they could have used her in one sketch. You’ve got arguably the biggest musical star on the planet in the building. Give her some jokes!
- None of the feature players other than Culhane got much to do this week. We barely saw Saidah Belo-Osagie and Grace Reiter (though they did get some time in the Scary, Mean Girlfriend piece). I am not sure if I saw Tommy Brennan at all. It’s the usual issue. The cast is too big. It’s almost as if Lorne Michaels enjoys The Hunger Games aspect of people trying to get airtime.
This was a subpar episode. So many jokes didn’t land, and endings were more painful than they even are under normal conditions. I don’t think this is the cast’s fault. Many of them had some great performances. It’s also not Dakota Johnson’s fault (but maybe she’s had enough rides on this carousel o’comedy) This episode’s issues seem to land at the feet of the writers.
Still, Johnson seems like she had fun and got a birthday cake from Taylor Swift. So, someone enjoyed this episode.
Grade: D+
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