Members of the Dallas Cowboys will continue their 25 year Super Bowl tradition of gathering at a local Buffalo Wild Wings (with all proper health and safety protocols in place) to enjoy the big game.
"It's a good way for us to hang out and see what the Super Bowl is like," said Cowboys Running Back Ezekiel Elliott. "It just lets us all feel like we're part of the action."
Photo by Mike Mozart from Flickr under a Creative Commons CC By 2.0 license
The restaurant has two tables set aside for the Cowboys. "We handwrite this little sign that says 'Reserved' and everything. We give the guys 10% off their first 12 wings. It just seems right. These guys are always so sad during the game," said Buffalo Wild Wings manager Clara Mundt.
"I get to decide what sauce we get on the wings," said Cowboys Quarterback Andy Dalton. "That's because the fellas say they want me to know what it feels like to call a play during the big game. I usually go with mild."
"I tell you, it's a lot of fun," said Dallas Cornerback C.J. Goodwin. "Just a good chance to watch two great teams battle for the championship. We get to see some real good football, you know?"
Not every member of the Cowboys' organization will attend. Rowdy, the Dallas mascot is not allowed "because that is one creepy looking dude," said Clara Mundt.
In addition, management never shows up to the event. "We asked [Owner Jerry Jones] if he'd like to come once, and he just said we just asked him so he'd pick up the check and, besides, he didn't want to spend Super Bowl Sunday with a bunch of losers," said Dalton. "He was right on both counts."
None of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders show up either, making excuses ranging from having a sick aunt to having to "do a thing for work."
The above article is satire, which, frankly, should be obvious.
