Oscar Predictions From A Guy Who Hasn't Seen Many Movies In A While And Who Also Has No Access To A List Of Nominees For Some Reason
Golden Dreams Await! By Prayitno [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Today is the day movie fans wait all year for! It's the Academy Awards, or as those in the know like to call them, The Oscars! I'm a big fan of the golden statues, that's for sure! But, I have to tell you, I haven't had much internet access lately because we have an issue with squirrels, and I didn't get to see many movies this year. There's lots of reasons, including the squirrel thing and an ongoing fight I've been having with a national baked goods company that has consumed far more time than it should have. But right is right, and that's all I'll say about that. Anyway, please bear with me, as I may have some facts wrong. But wrong facts won't stop my ACADEMY AWARD PREDICTION BONANZA. (That's trademarked! I just don't know how to make the little symbol for it!)
Tonight's awards' ceremony is something like the 50th year for the festivities, so you know all the big stars will be there. Like George Clooney, I'm betting! The ceremony will be broadcast live from somewhere in Hollywood! They used to be hosted at the Raymond Chandler Pavilion, but I think they are now at the Staples Center. This year's show is hosted by Jimmy. Not sure if it's Kimmel or Fallon. Either way, it should be a hoot! But I think I speak for us all when I say "Bring back Billy Crystal and his opening numbers!"
In addition to the awards, expect a sad "In Memory" reel tonight! We'll look back and remember the industry people who died over the last year. I know I'll be screaming "I didn't know she died!" or "Who is that guy?" during most of it!
Now, let's get to the meat and two veggies of the show! The awards! Here are my predictions for the categories I can remember!
Best Picture: I'm starting with the big one! I bet there were some great movies this year. From what I hear, there's a movie about lady astronauts that's really good. (Hidden Tigers). I think it will win. I know a lot of people thin L.A. Confidential will win, but from what I hear it's just about white people who like jazz. So I'm going with the astronaut thing. Hidden Tigers will be the winner here!
Best Actress: Is Meryl Streep nominated for something? If she is, she'll win. I remember hearing she played Florence Nightingale this year. So I bet she wins. You can't beat the combo of a war picture, a period piece, and Dame Meryl Streep!
Best Actor: Denzel Washington is always so good. I think he's in a baseball movie this year. Who doesn't love Denzel and sports? No one, that's who. I know some people think Ben Affleck will win, but I hear his Batman was pretty bad, so Denzel Washington for the win!
Best Supporting Actress: I bet one of the lady astronauts wins! Someone just told me Octavia Spencer was one of them (thanks for the heads up, Carla!). She's great and she deserves the win!
Best Supporting Actor: Was Christoph Waltz in anything? He's really good. Christoph Waltz has this one locked!
Best Screenplay: For some reason, I think they give out two of these. So I'm going to go with L.A. Confidential and Hidden Tigers. That's just smart playing of the odds!
Best Director: Steven Spielberg could win this every year as far as I'm concerned, but I bet he loses out to Martin Scorsese. That guy is just a master.
Best Cinematography: I don't know for sure, but I bet some guy from Eastern Europe will win!
Best Documentary: Someone was watching a documentary about boll weevils that I saw when I was at their house. That seemed good. I never really followed this category. So let's go with the boll weevil movie.
Best Animated Movie: My kid watched The Secret Life of Pets at my in-laws' house, and she said it was really funny. Apparently a chihuahua pees in it and that made her laugh. Good enough for me! The Secret Life of Pets it is!
Best Visual Effects: Was there a Star Wars movie this year? I know that young Han Solo thing is coming out later, which should be interesting. But I bet something came out this year. Whatever it was should win this.
Best Score:L.A. Confidential, I guess. Because, you know, all the jazz.
Best Song: I am going with something by Elton John!
That's a wrap on this year's ACADEMY AWARD PREDICTION BONANZA! (still trademarked!) Enjoy the show! And if anyone wants to invite me over, please do. The squirrels are really active today!