Resolutions: 2017

It is time for the annual aspirational declarations of ways we will better ourselves and/or make our world a little better in the coming year. The flipping of the calendar from December 31 to January 1 denotes another journey around the sun, and one day or year is generally not meaningful in any cosmic sense. It's a man-made construct by and large, but it is an opportunity for self-reflection and for sales of new Day-Timer products. So, we may as well take advantage of the opportunity we have wrought to make our resolutions. And to refill our calendar binders.

Here are  my 2017 resolutions:

  1. I will not condone casual racism. The only racism I will not actively combat is when a mustachioed man in a tuxedo uses a slur that sounds kind of fancy.

  2. I will lose weight in a safe manner this year. Unlike last year when I lost several pounds after I fell victim to a black market organ theft ring.

  3. I will read ten or more books this year, at least three of which will have more words than pictures.

  4. I will be more tolerant of those around me, mainly by holing myself up in a shack and not interacting with anyone.

  5. I will attempt to bring back the phrase "the cat's pajamas" and will use it in at least six sentences a day.

  6. I will be less critical of other peoples' art. Unless it's just really dumb. Then all bets are off.

  7. I will stop tickling moose.

  8. Everyday I will think of one way to improve the world. I will then hope someone does that thing.

  9. I will write another book. It will count as one of the ten I have to read, which in retrospect seems overly ambitious.

  10. I will stop padding lists out to ten items.

Happy New Year's. May your 2017 be the cat's pajamas.